God here…..Let me help you “own” it

image

I woke up so refreshed

I’ve let someone go

And guess what…..they’re nowhere to be found

Am I surprised?

Yes and No

If I am honest I have to remember this is to be God driven

If God wants it will

If He doesn’t, it won’t

It’s really that simple

I was sad for a day

And there may be a few more mixed in from time to time

But I won’t stay there anymore

I refuse

It’s not where I will ever belong again

I deserve more

I’m a good person

And I need to be me

I asked my older daughter to look at the outfit I was wearing

“How does it look?” I asked

“Well, I don’t like all the colors and patterns mixed together myself,” she started to say…

She then paused for a moment , smiled and looked up at me with that sparkle in her eyes which was directly inherited from her mother and firmly stated….” it looks exactly like you.”

“Perfect” I said, “That was exactly the look I was going for. I don’t ever want to be anyone else.”

She laughed, “I love you just the way you are mom.”

So many people have supported me throughout this past year….

“Why are you trying to be someone else?”

“We love you just the way you are. Your crazy and all.”

“Nobody’s ever asked you to be anything else.”

They’re right

I got caught up in trying to sell myself

Not exactly sure why

I will not have to sell myself to the one God has chosen for me

They will love me just as I am

I honestly have no desire to be anyone other than me

And only I can “own” that

I’m too crazy for most, unorganized, always run late, can be extremely stubborn, spontaneous, outgoing, very vocal on topics I am passionate about, and my filter is…well….mostly unfilteredJ

I love it here

It feels like me

I thank God for continuing to help me own it

It’s hard when you’ve allowed yourself to conform for so many years

I’m getting there…..

All alone with God’s help

So f you see me out, don’t forget to say hi!!

I do so love meeting new people

How will you recognize me?

I’ve been told the crazy hair is a dead giveaway….

As is the infectious smile and my unique clothing style

Oh….And I’m a big hugger…..so make sure to give me a hug!!

I’ll hug you back tenfold!!

And don’t forget to let God help you “own” your true self too….

That’s the only thing he wants you to be

Posted in Faith, Life, Love, motivation, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

God here…..go ahead and be broken

image

I remember the day that beautiful castle of glass you had constructed

completely shattered

It was a little over a year ago

The shards of glass

One hundred large jagged pieces that no one could see from your outside

How you held it all together for so many years

Your castle

Indeed impressive

It sparkled in the sun

The broken pieces of glass

Sharp edges embedding themselves internally

Deeper than one could even fathom

I remember as you cried out to him

Screaming

You were bleeding on the inside

You fell to the floor wedged in a corner between the bed and the dresser

Dark crimson blood pooling in the very pit of your stomach

Continuing to rise higher with every scream

A silent killer

Threatening to choke off your airway

There were no more tears to cry

Your body finally void of the ingredients to make them

That sick feeling settling in

This was never real

It never existed

The love felt all those years

Something your mind had led you to believe

You had wanted it so badly

As he stared at you dumbfounded, the final apology came

Empty as all the others had been

Confessions from a cruel, heartless man

Void of any true meaning

As you stared at him, he suddenly looked so small

Distant

Foreign

Unlovable

How had you seen anything more?

As you watched, he attempted to produce tears

A pathetic performance at best

The one thing you had waited so many years to see

Void of any true meaning

And now…. you reflect on the year gone by

You are stronger

But so weak

You are happier

And yet so sad

You are someone

And yet desire to be no one

You are alone

And yet God will always be with you

It is enough

It is enough

It will always be enough

Be broken

But do not ever rebuild yourself with glass

Only to be broken again

Take this time

Let God heal you

He can do it

So let Him help you continue to remove your broken pieces

One at a time

 

 

 

 

Aside | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment