Another trip to Verizon…..Or…A Night At The Circus!!

I’m certain I have the look of defeat about my face

If I were a tire it would be deflated

Another trip to the Verizon store

Is this all I have to look forward to this evening?

Yet another unscheduled meeting with what will most likely be a new stranger

Daylight is fading with the recent time change, but in my state, I scarcely even notice the bright lights coming from the store

I glance at the sign


Never noticed it to be flashing before

I push open the door

“Welcome to Verizon!” a booming voice greets me

I look up confused

Who is this man?

And why does he seem so familiar?

“My name is Hector, step right up, what can I help you with today?”

In my mind he appears to have taken on a curly mustache, fitted red coat and the most extravagant black top hat

A ring leader?


I cut straight to the point

“My phone doesn’t make or receive calls.

Yes, I did the software update

Yes, I did the hard shut down

Just call apple please, I want to go home.”

I hand him the phone

I suddenly notice the booths with the tattooed ladies

The overhead lights shining down illuminate their respective purple and bright blue hair colors

I begin to wonder if they breath fire or maybe swallow swords, perhaps both?

But this is a three ring circus

The door opens and a dwarfed bearded lady steps in

My mouth opens wide and a gasp leaks out

She’s just as wide as she is tall

“Hi Hector, notice anything different?” but her toothy grin continues on…”I’ve brought my new boyfriend today.”

I glance behind her to see a small man emerging from the side

Where did he come from?

Just as thin as she is tall, twice her age with 6, no 7 hairs that perfectly match the total count of teeth remaining in his mouth.

Could it be?

The oldest man alive!

“Step right up and take a spot over there” Booms Hector, “someone will be with you shortly”

And he motions towards the other tents in the room

“No worries Hector, I’ve got time, unlike my other boyfriends, this one likes to go places with me.”

Sometime during this series of events, the phone call to Apple has been placed, but I had either been to entranced or incoherent to notice.

With one small swoop, Hector has danced around me, visited a nearby tent and is holding high in one arm a stool made of iron.

The ring leader is doubling as the strong man!!!

So impressive

“You’ll want to take a seat for this next part.” He states

I feel as if my knees are about to buckle with anticipation and I sit down looking around the room for whatever could possibly be coming next.

Once again, the door flies open…..

Enter in….

Pat… The Amazing!

A man? A woman?

Is that a mullet?

Can’t tell under that neutral yellow cap!!

Oh, it dropped something

Its bending over…..

Nope, a plaid shirt tucked in

Generic jeans….what! No label?

Wait…..there’s a sidekick

A short woman

The Amazing Pat leans over to speak to it

“You want to meow like a kitty, don’t you?”

This is incredible!!

“Meow…..meow…..meow!” the short woman is happy to emit the requested sounds

“High five!” Roars Pat The Amazing

And I feel my vocal chords struggling to be silent….the urge to produce cat noises suddenly so intense

“They did a factory reset and I added a note in your file. Good news is…. One more complaint and you will get a new phone….You’re up to 3 notes in the file now.”

And just like that

My phone rings

The circus has ended….

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God here….I’ve removed the breaks from your car

Wanted to let you know I removed your breaks today

Why the look of panic?

Oh, I get it now…

You’ve never seen a car without breaks

Well, I have to admit I don’t do this a whole lot

Not many get to the point where they no longer need them

How fast will we be going?

Well now…

I’m sure glad you asked that one

You know just how to make me chuckle

I’m quite sure I don’t have to remind you that you already have a bit of a lead foot

You also know I have no issue with it

Truthfully, I’ve been waiting

Those breaks have done nothing but slow us down

My plan has always been to take you on the ride of your life

The one I specifically made only for you

And let me tell you, where we’ll be going…..

There’s no need for those breaks

They’ll be no stopping

And certainly no chance of ever slowing down

Oh, one last thing

I’d recommend putting that crazy hair of yours in a ponytail

Now that I’ve removed the only thing that was slowing us down

I plan to show you just how fast this thing can really go

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