I asked God to take center stage in a very important part of my life tonight and He did. And while I should be very happy about that, I’m saddened.
A very cold reality is setting in. Someone I thought truly loved me didn’t show up to support me tonight. No text telling me good luck, no phone call, nothing. After many years of companionship, it is a crushing blow. My security blanket went missing. Of course I had no idea this was going to occur until after the event when I finally realized they hadn’t shown up.
I half wondered why God came through for me tonight. I was scared and nervous and although I’ve done these events before, there was this intense feeling to pray. For some unknown reason, I literally felt compelled to tell him to “steal my show”, even listened to the TobyMac song for inspiration. With God in charge, the event went very smooth.
God’s response is overshadowed with my realization that earthly love is so terribly flawed. I am grateful to be given the opportunity to feel love for another and for a time, I believe he truly did love me. But the current test I am in is most challanging and I fear I may not pass.
Security is a funny thing. It can make you stay where you don’t belong for extended periods of time. In a place that is anything but secure.
God gave me security tonight to show me that I have been leaning on false hope for too long.
It doesn’t change that I am sad, I chose to feel this way.
It does change the warmth of my security blanket.
My old one had so many holes in it, it was no longer serving its purpose.
I have to admit it’s hard to see my old blanket, I really loved it…..I only pray I am strong enough to let it go……
Lord, I know it’s time, with your help, I am ready.