When I was a little girl I always loved to “play pretend”.
It was magical and somehow my childlike mind would transport me to a place that felt so very real.
My twin bed, would become a boat. My multi-colored royal blue carpet, the ocean filled with hungry sharks.
Then there were the times when that same twin bed was the tower atop the highest castle, and I was locked inside by an angry ogre.
I was often saved by a handsome prince that loved me very much. He was imaginary of course, but to that little girl, he was real.
While I try to keep myself in reality, tonight I am inclined to let my mind drift away, if only for a moment, to that very magical place.
A place where someone in this world wants to show me that I am truly someone special. Perhaps for one night, to even put my needs above his own.
It seems so much to ask in this world and I honestly don’t pray that God will send me someone, but for one night, would it be so bad to play pretend?
Perhaps I could hear that my dreams are special, that having personal goals is not selfish.
That I indeed have been loved in the last 10 minutes, 10 days or 10 years, that they feel I support them in so many ways and I am counted as one of their blessings.
I’d like to take him out on date I have been secretly planned for a month and have him enjoy it instead of hearing I only planned it because I had somehow felt obligated to.
I’d like so many things, but sometimes it feels as if nothing will ever get me past the healing process that I must continually go thru.
Years of damage cannot be erased overnight nor will they ever disappear by playing pretend.
So I shall live in this painful reality, perhaps even daring to sleep on the shark infested floor